If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
