She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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