So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
