I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I just sharted jello shots
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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