How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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