I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He felt like a one man threesome
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
