I just saw a hot homeless man
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
