she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
