Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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