dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
