NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
