I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
