Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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