I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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