remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
