I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
