I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
