Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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