the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
