who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
