I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
