Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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