So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
