College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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