also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
