is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
