The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
