I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
