i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
