And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
