Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
