Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
