We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize