So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
