honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
