she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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