i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
