She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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