She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
