my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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