Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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