Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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