I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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