Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
