porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Small penises have feelings too.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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