So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
