That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize