Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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