this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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