How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize