You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
