Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
