i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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