Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
