I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
