Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
