so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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