so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well I just put wine in my tea
MIDGETS
????
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
