My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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