even my farts smell like vagina
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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