plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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