Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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