Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
