How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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