I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
