fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
