the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
